Beginning Again
Proverbs 24:16 Amplified Bible (AMP)
16For a righteous man falls seven times and rises again, but the wicked are overthrown by calamity.
Last week, my husband asked me when I would begin to write the devotional again, and begin to work on my books. I looked at him as if he had lost his mind. I said to him, I don’t feel like I have anything to give anyone. I don’t feel as if I can encourage anyone, when I feel like my life just spiraled out of control, and I felt betrayed by God. What could I say, to anyone, about living right, or improving their relationship with God, when God took my daddy from me? I was hurting, angry, feeling betrayed and I must admit I still am. My daughter came to me and reminded me, of Proverbs 3:5-6 and she capped her message with “remember mom, His ways are not ours, and we don’t always understand what God is doing.” I thought in this past few weeks if one more person said to me “to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord,” I might just go postal on them, and strangle someone, but I can safely admit I have made it from December 30th to present without saying anything snotty, or chocking anyone, in spite of how I have felt.
There is a song by Tracy Chapman, called “At This Point In My Life,” the last verse says, “You see when I've touched the sky…The earth's gravity has pulled me down…But now I've reconciled that in this world…Birds and angels get the wings to fly…If you can believe in this heart of mine…If you can give it a try…Then I'll reach inside and find and give you…All the sweetness that I have…At this point in my life.” I had been feeling as if every major prayer I prayed God did not answer and this was a major one. You see I wanted my dad to have more years; I wanted him to be here to see so much more and to have more time with him. But I had to come to realize that I had to start over, but not just healing from my loss, but giving from his legacy. You see even now as I sit here my heart is broken and my eyes are streaming with tears, but I realized that God gave me a dad that left a legacy in me and my Family and that legacy will live on if we all can begin to start over and live out what He showed us from this point and into the future. It is true there are so many things in my life that have been traumatic and many people have done me wrong, but my dad showed me to continue to do the will of God the Father and to love them any way and to do what you can to improve your surroundings and help those in need. He showed us that taking care of those less fortunate and even loving on people when you don’t receive those things back, is the way God would want us to live and show forth His love in the earth.
So today, I struggled to sit down at the computer and to begin again at this point in my life, but I understand it is a necessary part of carrying on the legacy of who God planted in my life as not just a father, but a daddy, who up until the day he passed away taught me how important it is to have family and how important it is to appreciate every little thing, and to say thank you when people do things for you. He taught me every day by his actions how important it is to greet the Savior in prayer and to acknowledge Him before your eyes were closed upon a day. He taught me what it is to fight a battle in silence, but in prayer, and through the kindness of your actions. You see today as I begin again I realize that I have a huge task, to at this point through my grief, sorrow and pain to carry on his legacy and the legacy of my grandmothers and grandfathers, those who have set the example that we are to be kind one to another forgiving each other as God for Christ sake forgave us! ( Ephesian 4:32).
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